the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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