My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
