True but thats because hes a fetus.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
