Sponge bath it is.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Randomize