omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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