Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
