you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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