I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
did you just send me my own nude
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
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