That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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