I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i wish my penis had a tongue
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
