And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize