I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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