I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
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