I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Randomize
