You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
