i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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