I accidentally burped into my bong.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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