Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
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