There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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