My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
