Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
