yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Randomize
