There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
