god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
