I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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