Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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