She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
