you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
