She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
birth control should be required to get into college
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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