I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize