I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
