3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
