Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
