wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Randomize
