I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
