the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
