I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Randomize
