she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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