you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
