i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
