Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
