If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
