i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
