If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Randomize
