My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
