According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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