I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
