i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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