At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
