im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
