i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
