great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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