I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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