John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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