somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
