My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
