He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
