I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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