You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
