we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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