why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
