you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
