Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
