It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
