i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
