If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Randomize