The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
