My underwear smells like fireworks.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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