Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
