Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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