So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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