Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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