whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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