Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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