We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
