My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize