I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
