look no pants
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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