somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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