i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Randomize