In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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